An Open Letter

Dog, Bounty Hunter is a human riddle. How does one shame a leather-clad white man with a feather dangling from his dreads? That man is pretty much already screaming it to the world, isn't he. And yet this sad clown has the nerve to descriminate against other people, simply astonishing. The problem with Dog is that there's just not very far to fall. At least Kramer made a little thud when he permanently shat on the American public consciousness, Dog's descent is more like a toddler sitting down too fast. I think we white men need to really dig deep, and find a way to publicly apologize. Something less than reparations, but more than a basketball scholarship. Maybe make Dog, Michael Richards and Don Imus fuck in a bathtub and put it on payperview. That'd take the sass out of their britches. But in all this hooplah over Dog's racist sputterings, an equally heinous crime has gone unpunished:The donning of combination cell phone/sunglasses. Yes, Dog has become a national punchline, and yes, he will be stripped of his TV show and dragged through the mud. But when all is said and done, Dog will still stomp the earth with that abomination wrapped around his leathery ex-con forehead. He will return to his volcano lair, and resume happily pumping seed into his spherical she-beast on a kevlar upholstered couch. Under normal circumstances, the matter would obviously fall into the wise hands of vigilante justice, but as you know, Dog is impervious to both projectile and melee attack.It is in this moment of crisis that I send an open letter to all who would guard our American public--How can we end Dog's crushing reign of mobile availability and UV protection? What in god's name is that shit-pheonix's kryptonite?For now there are many questions and few answers, but one thing is certain:We must succeed. No plan of action is too far fetched, and no effort in vein. Please distribute this form as widely as your means allow. Thank you, and good luck. (Please head all propositions with the following) I_____________, say we dispatch of him thusly: